well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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