A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Randomize
