weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
