Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
