He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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