Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Randomize
