she's into porn, im staying here tonight
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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