I want to have your abortion
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
