Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
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