i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
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