I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
