hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
