Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Randomize
