I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
