Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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