Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
It's rum buckets o'clock
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
