I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
