Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
