Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
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