just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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