im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize