found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
