If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
