my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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