sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
