Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
