dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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