I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
