so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
