I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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