Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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