My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
