just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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