I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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