Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
