We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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