Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize
