to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
