Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
