I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Randomize
