i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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