This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
