pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
