Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
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