I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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