He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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