your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
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