Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
