after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
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Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
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Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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