last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
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There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
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Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize