using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
The beer is more important than you right now.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
