I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
