I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
