im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
