last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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