after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
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