you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
