I wanna passion pit in your ass
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
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