I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
