obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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