Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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