So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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