Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
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