Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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