She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
it's like iHOP with fire
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
