im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
