I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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