Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
