yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
