woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
