The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
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Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
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But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I'm gonna fight the coyote
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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