Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
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Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
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Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Can't talk, ducks in the car
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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