Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
