I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
i just had sex bonerless
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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