A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Randomize
