My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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