did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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