I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
