found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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