i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
