guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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